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Dodging Death's Profile: The Dating App Encounter with a Serial Killer Confession

When I tell you I've been through the wringer, I mean my laundry has been washed, dried, and hung out to dry in the court of this thing called life. Pay attention, because this is one for the books and it’s taken from my diary.  Hopefully, you will learn from my mistake and never have to experience it yourself. 

Flashback to the golden era of digital courtship, where Tagged and Plenty of Fish were the playgrounds for singles. The names alone screamed "buyer beware," but Chile, we were too busy feeling ourselves, thinking we were untouchable, invincible, and sharper than the average 5th grader.   I’m still trying to figure out how my Ms. Detective’s tail wasn’t on the job back then, at all!!

So, there I was, swiping with the confidence of a queen, when Mr. Too Good To Be True swiped back. The chemistry? Baby, it was like a high school science lab—explosive. We're talking instant connection, finishing each other's sentences, the works. You know the drill. We were telepathically twinned within a hot minute.  And that is why I need way more than chemistry these days. Who don’t you experience chemistry with? I’m just saying….

Phone numbers got exchanged and before you know it, he's inviting me for a nighttime stroll.  Said he's got his kids and isn't ready for the meet and greet. Aww—I like that, I thought, a man with boundaries but still making a way.   We walked, we held hands, and we laughed by the water's edge. Picture perfect, right?

Now, let's fast forward to the plot twist. We're hot and heavy, and it's hotel time. He tells me to book the room, foot the bill, and he'll reimburse me. Mistake numero uno, darlings—cash is king, and always upfront. But I went with it anyway, set up our little love nest, complete with a hot meal. He arrived. Gave him his parking pass, and off he went to "put it in his car." 

Fast forward again, we eat, and he begs for me to take a midnight walk with him as he smokes. I, in a rare moment of divine stubbornness, decline. He kept begging and I kept declining.  Not even knowing why other than, I didn’t want to go.  The next morning, he was off to work with a peck and he told me that his Uber had arrived and to come to his job at Metro, when I checked out, to pick up my money.  Spoiler alert: the only thing waiting for me at Metro was a realization that I'd been played.

And here's where the sizzling tea boils over. After a few days of dodgy calls and me channeling my inner Angela Bassett with a voicemail that would set a car ablaze, my pride was hurt, I wanted my dang money, at least, he hit me with the truth bomb. This man, this smooth-talking charmer, was none other than a self-confessed serial killer. He laid it out, the plan, the method, the madness.

He'd never lived at that upscale apartment. There were no sons. My smile and charm saved me from the first attempt. The hotel walk was supposed to be my last. The parking pass—trash.   The Uber—the escape route he never took. And Metro? The generic cover-up for an occupation in the DMV area when a man's up to no good. Yall already know! Where in the world were my spider senses?

He admitted it all with a chilling calmness that would freeze hell over. "Darling," he said, "you must be an angel, and someone truly blessed or covered by angels."  I could’ve had you on our first walk, but I wanted to know more about you.  You thought I went to put my pass in my car.  I actually went to case the area.  I begged you to take another walk, but you wouldn’t budge.  It seemed my stubbornness, my refusal to follow the path to lover's lane, had saved my life.  “I tried to warn you when I said that my Uber was here, but you didn’t catch on.  Why would I be in an Uber if I just took a parking pass downstairs last night?  It all would’ve been so easy because nobody would come to look for you. After all, you are private, and you move in silence.  Nobody would’ve ever thought you were in VA with someone you barely know.”  He confessed that my aura, my spirit, had thrown him off his game. And the most twisted part? He was calling to warn me, to tell me to step away from the dating scene before I stumbled upon another devil in disguise, like himself.  He even told me that he loved the way that I smiled and smelled. What the what?

When he hung up, it was as if he vanished into thin air. His profile, his number, his very existence—gone without a trace. And there I was, left to ponder the bullet I dodged, the walk I didn't take, and the killer's confession that could've been my last conversation ever.

My darlings, this tale of near-miss love is more than just a story; it's a wake-up call, a reality check. In the sizzling world of online romance, not every match is looking to steal your heart—some are out to take your very breath away.

Be vigilant, be discerning, and never ignore those red flags waving like banners at a parade. Keep your wits about you, and remember, your safety is worth more than a swipe right.


Stay sexy, stay sassy, but above all, stay safe. This has been LaTonya MeChelle, your love coach and guardian angel in the treacherous world of modern dating. May your hearts remain full, your spirits unbroken, and your lives untouched by the darkness that lurks behind some of those alluring profiles.


Remember, love is out there, but so is danger. Navigate this digital dance of desire with your eyes wide open. And never forget, sometimes the most important love story is the one you have with yourself—keeping you alive, thriving, and ready for the right kind of love.


Y'all be careful out there! Some of these people want more than your money—they want your life. Don’t let a swipe lead to your last breath. Keep it sassy, keep it classy, and keep it moving—away from the crazies.



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